There is a strong expectation in society that dogs should get along with every dog they meet.
Many people believe that socialisation means exposing puppies and dogs to as many other dogs as possible puppy parties, dog meet-ups, dog walkers and lots of time playing in parks.
The idea is that the more dogs they meet, the better socialised they will be.
But the reality is far more complex than that.
Dogs are individuals. Just like people, they have preferences, personalities and limits. Some enjoy interacting with lots of dogs, others prefer a small circle of familiar companions, and some simply aren’t that interested in socialising with unfamiliar dogs at all.
Unfortunately, the pressure we place on dogs to interact with every dog they meet can sometimes create the very problems we are trying to avoid.
Every Dog’s Experience of Socialisation Is Different
You could take five puppies to the same socialisation class and each one could have a completely different experience.
That experience depends on many factors:
- their general emotional state
- how they felt on the day
- the behaviour of the other dogs
- how their guardian handled the interaction
- the guardian’s emotional state
- whether anything startled them during the session
- stress they may have experienced in the days beforehand
All of these things influence how a dog learns to feel about other dogs.
Two dogs can leave the same class with completely different feelings about social interaction.
The “Let Them Sort It Out” Myth
One piece of advice that still circulates widely is that dogs should simply be left to “sort it out themselves”.
In my experience, this can be hugely unfair, especially for puppies who are still learning about the world of dogs and the many different breeds and personalities they might encounter.
If a puppy repeatedly goes to the park and has unpleasant or overwhelming interactions, they are unlikely to grow up feeling relaxed around other dogs.
Using older dogs to “teach puppies manners” can also be problematic. Older dogs may be in pain, may have less energy, or simply may not want to interact anymore. Expecting them to constantly correct younger dogs puts them in a difficult position.
And what about the dog who has previously been attacked? Should they simply be expected to tolerate another dog charging up to them and ignoring their signals?
What I Often See in Parks
As a dog trainer and behaviourist working one-to-one with clients, I spend a lot of time in places where dogs and their guardians socialise.
This might be local parks such as St Mary’s Park, woodland walks, busy places like Ruislip Lido or Rickmansworth Aquadrome, country parks such as Black Park, Langley Park and Denham Country Park, large green spaces like Horsenden Hill, or simply everyday walks around the block.
One thing that becomes very clear is that there is a huge and varied dog-owning community.
But I also regularly see dogs who run up to every dog they encounter, whether that dog is on lead or off lead. These dogs are often highly aroused and may struggle to read other dogs’ body language.
Sometimes they bark in another dog’s face, repeatedly try to initiate interaction, or continue pestering even when the other dog is trying to disengage.
Often these dogs genuinely want to interact they just haven’t learned how to do so in a way that other dogs find comfortable.
When Dogs Feel Pressured to Socialise
When a dog feels overwhelmed or pressured during interactions, they will often try to diffuse the situation rather than escalate it.
Many guardians mistake these behaviours as signs that the dog is relaxed or playful, when in reality they can be signs of appeasement or stress.
Some examples include:
Fawning behaviours
- Rolling onto their back
- Excessive licking of another dog’s face
- Crouching or lowering their body
- Rapid tail wagging with a tense body
These behaviours are often attempts to signal “I’m not a threat” or “please don’t hurt me.”
Fooling about behaviours
Some dogs will suddenly become very silly or exaggerated in their movements bouncing, spinning, or acting overly playful. While this can sometimes look funny or entertaining to us, it can actually be a way of diffusing tension in a situation they find uncomfortable.
Dogs are incredibly skilled at trying to avoid conflict.
But if these signals are repeatedly ignored, the dog may eventually feel they have no option but to escalate to growling, barking or snapping.
When Dogs Try to Disengage
Dogs will often try to politely opt out of an interaction before things escalate.
They might:
- look away
- turn their body away
- walk away
- start sniffing the ground
- move behind their guardian
These are all ways of saying “I’m not interested right now.” Or they are indicating for the other a dog to approach calmer.
If another dog continues to pursue them, that interaction can quickly become stressful.
In these situations it’s absolutely okay to increase distance and continue walking. You can also ask the other guardian to call their dog.
Advocating for your dog is part of keeping them safe.
Why Street Dogs Inspired This Blog
One reason I wanted to write this blog is the increasing number of street dogs I now see as clients.
Many of these dogs previously lived on the streets, where being able to communicate effectively with other dogs is essential for survival. Injuries or illness could be life-threatening, so avoiding conflict becomes incredibly important.
As a result, many street dogs are excellent communicators. They are often very skilled at reading subtle body language and defusing situations early.
When these dogs arrive here, they can initially find some of our pet dogs confusing and over stimulated, particularly those who rush over without reading signals.
This can sometimes make the street dog appear unsociable, when in reality they are simply navigating a very different social environment.
What I Encourage Instead
The interactions I aim for with the clients I work with are simple and relaxed.
Dogs approach, exchange information, have a brief sniff and then continue their walk.
Short, polite interactions.
Much like how we might briefly say hello to a neighbour as we pass them on the street.
Standing in a group in the middle of a park while dogs interact for long periods can often lead to rising arousal levels. When you step back and observe closely, you will often notice that at least one dog would actually prefer to move on.
Exploring the environment, sniffing and moving through the world at their own pace is often far more enriching for dogs than extended social interactions.
Want to Learn More About Play?
Dog play is a huge topic in itself, and understanding what healthy play looks like can make a big difference.
I’ve written a separate blog that explores dog play in more detail, including what to watch for and when to interrupt.
A Simple Goal
Short.
Polite.
Relaxed interactions.
That’s what most dogs actually need..
If you would like to chat with me or get support with your dog or puppy book in a call with me below.
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