Dogs are little mirrors they watch us constantly and can reflect our behaviour. If you are excited and optimistic you often see your dogs energy increase they might get a little excited and playful. A classic way of seeing this is when we tell our dog they are a good boy/girl this is not about the words initially as they do not speak our language, its about the way we deliver the words and how we behave when we do it is positive happy energy. How we feel, our energy, and our confidence all directly influence our dogs.
Dogs are highly attuned to our body language, tone of voice, and even subtle changes in our energy and hormone levels through their amazing senses.
If you are someone whose energy is generally heightened and you’re constantly “on the go,” finding it difficult to relax, sit, or switch off, you may pace, feel restless or impatient, and struggle to wind down or sleep. Dogs can often mirror this arousal, which can make them more alert, more reactive to noises, and less able to rest even when tired, puppies generally will want to be close to care givers for a number of weeks and if this is our general state some puppies will not be getting the amount of rest they need. This can lead to increased connection-seeking behaviours, whining, over-arousal, over tiredness and unwanted behaviours.
If we feel stressed, restless, or anxious, or our moods are inconsistent or up and down, it can affect our dogs in a variety of ways. Puppies and adult dogs are highly sensitive to our energy and often mirror how we feel. They may:
Mirror our anxiety – showing increased restlessness, whining, being more clingy
Become defensive – in puppies, this can show as increased biting or mouthing, zoomies, growling, barking, stiff body language, or backing away or evening snapping
Try to take a protective role – like warning things away, even when they aren’t confident enough.
Become hesitant or less confident in new experiences.
Show appeasement behaviours – such as jumping up, nudging, or licking repeatedly, in an attempt to calm us or resolve tension.
All of these behaviours can sometimes increase our frustration, making us think the dog is misbehaving, when in fact they are responding to our own behaviour and coping to uncertainty. Understanding this helps us stay patient and aware, and allows us to respond calmly, setting our puppies up for confidence, trust, and positive experiences
Conversely, when we are calm, relaxed and consistent, it helps dogs feel safe, relaxed, and confident, creating a more positive and trusting relationship.
This isn’t about being perfect or beating yourself up when you are having a bad day. It’s about awareness, so you can setup both you and your dog up for success. Even small shifts in your energy can make a big difference. Puppies’ brains are wired to read human social cues from around 3–4 weeks old, paying attention long before we think they are.
Puppies aren’t blank slates either. Genetics, early handling, and their mother’s environment shape their temperament. Some may naturally be more nervous or cautious, so it’s not all about how we bring them up, our behaviour alone doesn’t erase their past, but it can shape how they respond and grow. Being aware of how we act around them is very important as they are developing and when we are socialising them and exposing them to their new world. Calm, confident, and consistent energy helps dogs feel safe, reassured, and willing to engage. Research shows that puppies with sensitive temperaments are especially influenced by caregiver behaviour, learning more quickly when interactions are predictable and positive. Puppies are especially sensitive between 3–12 weeks of age, a key socialisation period where early experiences have a strong and lasting influence. Calm, positive guidance during this time helps build confidence and sets them up for success as they grow.
In the wild, puppies look to their mother for guidance. If a puppy starts barking, it glances back to see her reaction. Calm signals like grooming, relaxing, or simply observing tell the puppy there is no cause for concern. If the mother is tense or scared, the puppy responds accordingly. Calm signals = relaxation; tense signals = concern.
As caregivers, we naturally step into that parental role. When a puppy seems unsure or worried and we respond with a concerned expression, or we scoop them up too quickly before they have had a chance to recover or approach us they can feel more uneasy. Of course, we always want to be a safe place for them to come to when they choose if they are genuinely frightened or struggling, offering comfort builds trust and them seeing we are not concerned will in turn will help them learn. Its still about working at their pace if we pressure them into situations before they’re ready or fail to support them when they really need it, it can affect their confidence and even future recall, because they may not see us as their go-to source of safety.
This is also why rushing to stop a puppy barking especially because we’re worried about neighbours can backfire. Barking is often a natural response to something sudden or surprising. If we react with anxiety or tension, they learn there is something to be worried about. Staying neutral helps them understand the world is safe and there’s no need for alarm.
Feelings are contagious our dogs read us more than we realise, just like we pick up on someone else’s bad mood. Staying steady, calm, and available shows them they’re safe and supported.
If you nature is a certain way that’s ok, sometimes we you might be better at being the one that provides comfort or fun, you just might want to introduce somethings with your puppy being in the arms of the calmer handler in the house. You will see over time that your dogs may be calmer with one person in the house more than the other, that’s due to their general energy. Some dogs, whether or adults respond more to whoever is clear, calm, confident and consistent. Dogs are social learners; they take cues from humans just as they would from their littermates or mother, helping them decide how to react to new situations this is important information when you are taking them out and about. Dogs thrive under predictable routines and clear communication. Being mindful of your energy helps dogs trust and relax, and ensuring good experiences.
What matters most is awareness and checking in with yourself. It’s not about being perfect or suppressing your feelings dogs can tell when you’re faking it. It’s about pausing and noticing, especially when managing your dog’s behaviour or supporting them after a reaction to something in the environment. Training works best when we’re in a good state of mind. If you’re tired, frustrated, or anxious, pause, breathe, and reset stress and worry always show up in your patience. Taking breaks isn’t a weakness; it’s a tool that helps both you and your dog. Even a short pause can stop tension building. Give yourself permission to step back, especially with young puppies, and don’t hesitate to ask for support when you need it.
Research shows that dogs supported by calm, confident handlers become more resilient in new places, around noises, and with other dogs. Your energy matters just as much as your training or your voice. By staying aware, calm, and consistent, you help your dog grow in confidence, build trust, and feel secure. It’s not about getting everything right it’s about being present and willing to try again, doing your best with awareness and care, and knowing that if you have a tough day, you’re human and there’s always another chance. One of the lovely parts of this process is that the mindfulness you offer your dog often helps calm your own nervous system too. Many of us bring dogs into our lives for support, and the beautiful thing is that we can offer that same sense of safety back to them.
If you would like to chat with me or get support with your dog or puppy book in a call with me below.
In group settings, some dogs naturally fall unto the role of mediator. These are the dogs who step in when arousal runs too high, trying to keep things calmer and safer for everyone. They often look like the “fun police”, breaking up the party.
Sadly, they are often misunderstood. Instead of being recognised for their role, they are seen as disruptive and may even be asked to leave day care or a dog walking group. But what looks like “problem behaviour” can actually be a dog working hard to regulate the group.
What mediator dogs are (and are not)
They are not the same as fearful or anxious dogs who hide, snap defensively, or struggle to cope nor those whose subtle signals may have been missed over time and are using growling snapping or biting as a defensive mechanism.
They maybe the ones who chase the dog that is chasing the ball, not for the ball but in an attempt to slow the dog down when arousal is running high.
They might bark at a dog that hasn’t responded to subtler signals when they have had enough but are otherwise very sociable with dogs.
They may break up rough or high speed play by barking, intercepting or chasing the players.
They sometimes step in during human to human embraces or energetic contact, barking or wedging themselves between people. Often labelled as “jealousy” it is more likely the dog perceives there is potential conflict arising. Dogs do not embrace the way we do, so a hug can be misread as conflict.
Important to rule out first:
Of course if a dog is acting completely out of character and there has been no build up, it is always important to rule out anything physical. When dogs become less tolerant of certain types of interaction such as other dogs sniffing their back end or approaching their head, its vital to first consider discomfort.
Interestingly I am often contacted about these behaviours around the age of 2 or 3, when dogs mature but at this time growth plates have generally closed which can highlight discomfort.
Joint pain, impacted anal glands (often linked to gut health), or teeth, or ear pain can be just some of the reasons that a dog may have become more irritable or defensive.
These factors need ruling out before we assume the behaviour is purely about group dynamics.
Things to consider if you live with, socialise with or work with groups of dogs
Some dogs who attend group walks with other owners, dog walkers or day care from a young age naturally shift into this role as they mature. It may be a progression of personality to manage conflict or arousal, or it may be that they have tolerated things for a long time and finally reached a tipping point.
Instead of automatically excluding dogs who act this way (depending on the severity of the reaction of course), it can help to pause and ask what they might be communicating:
Is the group often becoming overstimulated?
Could their “Stress bucket” be full from other factors, like a rushed vehicle journey, lack of proper rest, rushed walks with very little processing?
Has this behaviour cropped up with other dogs in the group before?
If a dogs has been labelled as disruptive or you notice these patterns it does not mean they are badly behaved, they may be signalling stress, frustration or simply working hard to regulate the group. Acting as the referee too often can build stress over time and escalate into growling, snapping and lunging.
Is there science behind it?
While “mediator dog” isn’t a scientific label, the concept is supported by ethnological research:
Third party intervention (“policing”) has been documented in wolves and primates, where individuals step in to prevent conflict. Some studies suggest domestic dogs do something similar.
Play research shows dogs adapt their play signals depending on their partner’s responses, showing awareness of group dynamics.
Conflict management is recognised across species, where individuals actively prevent or resolve tension.
Some dogs and their wild relatives, like wolves, have been shown under certain conditions to make up after conflict, comfort each other and get help from a third dog to calm things down, especially if they’re very social.
Of course, many factors can drive behaviour and a full behavioural assessment may be needed to untangle the picture for an individual dog. But by recognising the possible role of mediator dogs, we can better support them, appreciate the work they are doing and create safer, calmer group environments.
If you would like to chat with me or get support with your dog or puppy book in a call with me below.
The struggles people do not talk about when having a dog
Bringing a dog into your life is often portrayed as joyful, healing, and wholesome and it can be however what we don’t talk about enough is the emotional crash that can come shortly after.
The sleepless nights. The constant worry. The guilt of not feeling the way you thought you would. For many new dog guardians, this reality hits hard and it’s rarely discussed.
This blog is for those in the thick of it: feeling overwhelmed, questioning their decision, or simply exhausted from trying to “get it right.” Let’s talk about why it feels so hard and why that doesn’t mean you’re failing.
The hope: Dogs as emotional support
Many people bring a puppy or rescue dog into their lives hoping for emotional comfort especially those navigating anxiety, depression, grief, or isolation. Dogs are often seen as a way to:
Get outside more
Build a routine
Ease feelings of loneliness
Provide a sense of purpose
But here’s the truth: in the beginning, a dog can amplify anxiety before it soothes it.
What often happens is this: in trying to provide the best for your new dog, you find yourself spiralling into stress. Constantly questioning your choices, reading every article, googling everything and watching video after video trying to do everything “right.” And when it still feels hard? The guilt creeps in.
Puppy blues and rescue dog guilt
There’s a name for this: the Puppy Blues or Rescue Dog Blues.
And it’s a very real emotional crash that many people experience in the first days, weeks, or even months after bringing a dog home.
You might feel:
Overwhelmed, anxious and unprepared
Exhausted from lack of sleep or relentless demands
Disconnected from your new dog
Frustrated that things aren’t “clicking”
Guilty for not enjoying it
This doesn’t make you a bad dog guardian. It makes you human and deeply caring.
Your anxiety and worry are signs of nurture, of wanting to get it right. Often, these very traits make people more attuned to their dog’s body language and needs.
But it’s also about balance. When care tips into hypervigilance or self-doubt, it can become emotionally draining for you, and for your dog.
The misconception: “Dogs fix anxiety”
It’s true that dogs can positively influence mental health there’s a growing body of evidence showing how their presence can lower cortisol, ease loneliness, and boost routine.
However that benefit doesn’t always show up straight away. Especially with puppies or newly rescued dogs, the early stages are intense:
Teething
Sleep deprivation
Toilet training
Socialisation pressures (“I need to do everything right in the first 16 weeks!”)
Managing fear or reactivity, growling, snapping and in some dogs biting
All while you’re also adjusting physically, emotionally, socially.
Sometimes, anxiety gets worse before it gets better.
Due to strict rehoming criteria in many UK-based rescues, people often turn to overseas organisations particularly in Romania and other parts of Eastern Europe. While these adoptions are often well-intended and full of heart, they can come with unique challenges.
Many of these dogs have:
Grown up as free-roaming street dogs
Had little to no experience living in homes
Spent long periods in shelter kennels
Missed out on early positive socialisation
Integrating them into UK life with leads, closed doors, traffic, visitors, and strict routines can be incredibly stressful for both the dog and the family. Without proper support, these dogs often bounce back into rescue, caught in a heartbreaking loop.
There are ethical rescues out there doing brilliant work, both in the UK and abroad but it’s vital to do your research. Choose a rescue that:
Offers post-adoption behavioural support
Matches dogs to homes carefully
Understands the background and likely challenges of the dogs
Will be honest about what the dog needs, not just what people want to hear
How human anxiety affects dogs and why that’s okay
There is a growing body of research showing how human mental health influences dog behaviour. Dogs are incredibly sensitive to our emotions they may mirror stress, become unsettled by unpredictability, or even change how they respond to training.
But that doesn’t mean you are to blame. It means:
You matter in this picture too
Your wellbeing is part of the process
Self-compassion is a crucial piece of helping your dog feel safe
It’s important to be aware of how your emotional state might be influencing your dog’s behaviour. Recognising this isn’t about blame it’s about understanding the bigger picture, and getting the support you may need to help you feel more confident, grounded, and capable.
In fact, people with anxiety often make brilliant dog guardians. You may notice small shifts in body language that others miss. You may advocate fiercely for your dog’s comfort. You may prioritise consent, choice, and ethical training.
Your anxiety comes from a place of deep care. With the right support, that can become your greatest strength. Your anxiety comes from a place of deep care. With the right support, that can become your greatest strength.
Why early support is everything
Many people wait until they’re at breaking point before asking for help often out of pride, fear of judgement, or the belief they should “just know” how to cope, early support can prevent small worries from becoming large ones.
You don’t have to do this alone.
Every dog is different. Every life stage brings something new. Even experienced owners and dog professionals can be thrown and that’s okay.
As a behaviourist and trainer, my role is about far more than sit/stay.
It’s about helping you breathe again. Helping you feel less alone. Helping you feel like you’ve got this because with the right help, you do.
Build your support system
You deserve support, too.
Whether that’s:
Friends or family you can offload to
Ethical, compassionate trainers and behaviourists
Doggy daycare or walkers who understand your dog’s needs
Online or local groups where you can be real about how hard it feels
Creating your own support circle doesn’t just benefit your mental health it increases the likelihood of long-term success for your dog too.
Asking for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you care enough to try.
If you are still struggling it is okay
Let’s say this clearly, because it matters:
If you are. not coping, that doesn’t make you weak or heartless.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, it becomes clear that you and your dog are not the right match emotionally, practically, or environmentally. Rehoming or returning a dog is never easy, but it can sometimes be the kindest option for everyone involved.
If you reach that point, please:
Don’t suffer in silence
Reach out to the rescue or a qualified behaviour professional
Work with organisations who will put your dog’s welfare and emotional needs first
Take time to find a rescue that understands your dog’s breed, background, or type and offers ethical behaviour support to help you succeed
This is not failure it’s responsible and compassionate decision-making, however try not to make a decision like this when you’re in the middle of emotional overwhelm. Take a breath, reach out for support, and make the choice from a grounded place.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Failing. You’re Finding Your Way.
If you’re reading this with tears in your eyes, feeling like you are in over your head please hear this:
You are not alone.
You are not failing.
You are not broken.
You are doing something big, new, and incredibly emotional. It’s normal for it to feel messy and hard at first.
With the right support, the chaos quiets. The relationship grows. The joy returns not because things are perfect, but because you’ve allowed space for grace, for growth, and for being human.
If you’re struggling with your new dog or puppy and need compassionate, practical help, I offer behaviour and training support that’s tailored to both ends of the lead.
If you would like to chat with me or get support with your dog or puppy book in a call with me below.
“Flirting,” also referred to as fawning, is when the brain responds to fear by attempting to appease the person or situation causing the fear, in an effort to avoid conflict.
These dogs and puppies are often excessively jumping up at visitors or lunging when walking pass people or dogs on walks. Along with this behaviour there can sometimes be nipping, humping, repetitive licking, ears back and panting, with the dog generally restless and not able to relax in people’s or dogs presence.
You may find you are out with a group of people with their dogs and your dog spends most of their time jumping up at the other people and you, avoiding interacting with the other dogs. This maybe an indication that the dog is feeling uncomfortable with the dogs presence and is looking for a way out of the situation or is trying to avoid conflict. You see the jumping up more towards the other people in the group particularly when the dogs care giver, has wanted to socialise their dog and the dog has wanted to move away but the signals have been missed in the past.
Sadly these behaviours are often punished as jumping up is usually frowned upon, as it can be frustrating for the care givers, particularly when it’s visitors or strangers because it is embarrassing and of course it can put people at risk of getting hurt, depending on the size of the dog.
You might have worked at asking for sit at the door or when greeting people and it has never worked because sitting is a vulnerable position to be in when you are uncomfortable. It is like putting a lid on a boiling pot, you can get more over the top behaviour when released, as a forced sit is not a relaxing behaviour, it causes more tension.
Telling off can then exacerbate an already uncomfortable dog. The dog gets more stressed in the situation because their care givers are agitated, which then increases the dog behaviour further, with the dogs desperate attempts to prevent more conflict, creating a “vicious circle”.
You can often see excessive friendliness when visiting the vets, as a fear response to being examined or due to sensing the other animals fear in the surgery.
There is no difference between dogs who use flirting, aggressive behaviour, cowering trying to hide or are frozen when scared, they all need the same support.
These dogs generally need space. You need to work at distances that the dogs can relax, being headed at can make dogs uncertain and you will see some subtle signals way before they start jumping up, like suddenly sniffing the ground. You know when you see someone in a shop and you think ‘oh no they will keep me here for ages’, so you try not to make eye contact reading anything close by even if its a bag of frozen peas! This is similar to what you see in dogs trying to avoid people or dogs that are approaching, as they get closer you then see the flirting behaviour.
Letting them observe from a distance they can relax will help them process and feel more comfortable, often these dogs just have not had enough time to process calmly the things around them or have had strangers heading at them to stroke them as puppies so preempt people are going to come and man handle them.
Dogs like this need a safe space away from visitors and to be taught how to relax in the space, trusting they will not get approached or bothered there. The visitors also need to be aware to keep their hands off and prevent staring at the dog, giving them complete space so the dog is able to relax in their presence and approach in a calmer state if they wish too. But depending on the dog, the visitor still needs avoid interaction giving the dog space.
If they are not supported this behaviour can eventually lead to them resorting to growling, barking, snapping and biting to increase distance. This is why when I work with adult dog cases that are using what we label as ‘aggressive behaviours’, the clients often tell me the dog used to be all over people when they were puppies, they would be jumping up constantly and then rolling on their back (another conflict avoiding signal). These are dogs who have had their message over looked and misinterpreted.
One last reason that you may see the fawning or flirting response is avoidance of being touched or approached due to discomfort from an underlying condition. As we know dogs are stoic and it is sometimes very hard to diagnose discomfort and pain even in a veterinary situation, which is why a full consultation or dynamic dog assessment is usually required.
Of course like any behaviour in dogs we observe, observe, observe. This is just one area that I feel should be reconsidered, when you see what looks like an over excited, excessively friendly, totally barmy dog. It might simply be them looking for help and a way out of a stressful situation.
“First seek to understand before expecting to be understood.”
If you would like to chat with me or get support with your dog or puppy book in a call with me below.
Hi Guys so we are in the midst of the COVID 19 lockdown, I have been putting off writing anything about this subject because we was not quite sure how long it was going on but I think unfortunately lockdown will not be ending anytime soon. I have had lots of thoughts running around in my mind that you might have concerns with and what concerns I have regarding when lockdown ends for your dog. Socialisation, separation and concern about overtired/over aroused dogs are all covered below.
Firstly I have pulled out some key points from the British Veterinary Association their info graphics are below too. The current strain of Coronavirus is a result of Human-to-human transmission, there is absolutely no evidence that companion animals can spread the disease. Current evidence suggests Covid-19 has a wild animal source however this still remains under investigation. It is also thought it might be possible the virus could be carried on fur from humans that are infected/carrying the virus, for a short period of time in the same way it is on other surfaces, such as tables and doorknobs, this could apply to their harnesses as well. The main advice for animal owners is continue to practise good hand hygiene by washing your hands thoroughly (for 20 seconds with soap and water) after touching your pet and also not letting them interact with other dogs or people that do not live with you. If someone else is walking your dog for you for what ever reason, please carefully still follow social distancing rules and hygiene advice. Have a bag with all your dog equipment in, that you do not need to touch and the dog walker can take and bring back.
All veterinary practices are now required to limit face-to-face contact with clients. This means running an emergency care and emergency prescription service, some are still providing food and doing necessary vaccinations but this is branch dependent. So avoid putting your dog at unnecessary risk.
Food
If you run out of food dogs can eat human food they did evolve from our discarded food after all! However try and find alternative healthy complete dog foods, if you can rather than making your own, often getting the balance right of nutrients and what your specific dog needs is difficult. It’s always good to add fresh veg and fruit (in moderation) to your dogs dinner a minimum of 3 times a week anyway, this helps with gut health, a healthy gut helps with behaviour too! If you have to change food try and do it gradually if possible, I know this might be difficult don’t worry if it’s not feasible it just to avoid tummy upset. If your dog is on a special diet speak to your vet to see if they can suggest a good alternative. If you are struggling with costs http://www.trussellstrust.org are able to provide pet supplies for people who need it.
Difficult time for all
I know this is a stressful time for all of us but believe it or not it will be for our dogs too. Dogs pick up on our mood state so if the behaviour has changed it can be due to this, be mindful to try and take them out when you are feeling not so tense, as handling of the lead can then change the walk and can be unpleasant for your dog and in turn you, as they are likely to pull more or be hyper vigilant to things in the environment if the lead is tense. Some dogs will love you being home but others will be overwhelmed because everyone is there all day, they may not be getting the rest they need. There will be more people interacting with the dog, whether it’s kids constantly playing or teasing them or multiple adults managing unwanted behaviour, if this is not managed right you can have a stressed dog on your hands. Overtired, overexcited or frustrated dogs can lead to bites, statistic are usually higher during school holiday periods so this isolation period will be no different.
Routine
Dogs do appear to have an inbuilt time clock seeming to recognise the difference between week days and weekends (our actions and body language is more likely what influences this the most) however if we treat everyday as a weekend when lockdown is over some dogs are going to struggle. Each dog is different when it comes to routine sometimes a strict adherence to routine creates anxiety issues when all of a sudden they have a day where the routine gets thrown out the window, dogs which suffer from separation anxiety or isolation distress, are extremely aware of routine events that predict your leaving, which triggers their anxiety. What I am mainly suggesting is stick to a version of your normal routine for your working week, feeding your dog when you normally would and walking them. Obviously this will be different if you have a dog sitter but you can do activities in the same way without the socialisation aspect. Don’t walk your dogs more than you usually walk them unless you can sustain this after lock down otherwise when it’s over they will find it difficult when you go back to work, this is unfair and definitely do not make them walk more if they are refusing. Change for the future is inevitable things will not be exactly the same when restrictions are lifted, dogs do adapt but their are somethings to consider for getting through this period with ease for both parties.
Sleep
I have just posted a very detailed video on YouTube on this specific subject “Is your dog getting enough sleep” but some key points are below. With everyone home everyone may be interacting with your dog more than normal but be mindful sleep is vital to mood state dogs should be sleeping through the night and having regular undisturbed good quality naps in the day. Children and adults should be leaving the dog alone when they are resting or sleeping. Puppies need around 18-20 hours sleep and adult dogs need around 12-14 hours of sleep a day. Lack of rest and sleep can effect behaviour.
Alone Time
If you do not normally work from home, some separation and being unavailable is going to be important for your dog at this time, even for the people that do, you are probably at home more than normal. Absence from your dog is important for the ones that used to it but even for the ones that are not like those of you that have new puppies or ones that have existing separation related problems the following exercises will help:
Provide searching and foraging activities in a different room/garden than you are in (safe activities of course) not shutting them in there unless they are comfortable with this, just aiding with a little separation from each other. There is a link further below for lots of ideas but one simple foraging activity is to put out lots of cardboard boxes in a group on the floor or a box filled with safe recycling items in and scatter their dinner or healthy treats, for them to sniff out and find (for nervous dogs make it easy with not to many boxes or items to start with) put out a snuffle mat at the same time, if you have one too and leave them to it no encouraging or cheering them on, the idea is they decide if they want to and they can choose to be away from you.
If you have a Kong another option is to put a rope through the small hole end of it and tie a knot. Stuff the Kong with something they have to lick, then tie the long end of the rope to a piece of secure furniture (with no risk to the dog) in a different room again where you are not, I usually suggest having something comfortable for the dog to lie on, near it. If you have a chewer or a dog that gets easily frustrated this might not be the right activity for them.
If you do not normally work from home, some separation and being unavailable is going to be important for your dog at this time, even for the people that do, you are probably at home more than normal. Absence from your dog is important for the ones that used to it but even for the ones that are not like those of you that have new puppies or ones that have existing separation related problems the following exercises will help:
Provide searching and foraging activities in a different room/garden than you are in (safe activities of course) not shutting them in there unless they are comfortable with this, just aiding with a little separation from each other. There is a link further below for lots of ideas but one simple foraging activity is to put out lots of cardboard boxes in a group on the floor or a box filled with safe recycling items in and scatter their dinner or healthy treats, for them to sniff out and find (for nervous dogs make it easy with not to many boxes or items to start with) put out a snuffle mat at the same time, if you have one too and leave them to it no encouraging or cheering them on, the idea is they decide if they want to and they can choose to be away from you.
If you have a Kong another option is to put a rope through the small hole end of it and tie a knot. Stuff the Kong with something they have to lick, then tie the long end of the rope to a piece of secure furniture (with no risk to the dog) in a different room again where you are not, I usually suggest having something comfortable for the dog to lie on, near it. If you have a chewer or a dog that gets easily frustrated this might not be the right activity for them.
Those of you that have puppies that you are concerned about or a dog that struggles to be alone and you are worried about the impact, this is actually a good time to work on separation. The first thing we as behaviourists would advise is not to leave them alone at all and build on separation within the house and them being relaxed first, working in leaving them for seconds rather than minutes.
As well as the above points other places to start would be:
Within the house just going to simple places like the toilet or shower and closing the door. If they struggle and get distressed about this in anyway, have a treat pot in the toilet, pick up a handful, drop treats outside toilet door and shut the door every time you need to go.
When you need a bath or shower have a kong/chew ready and ask them to lie down on the bed whilst you go to the shower. If you have a dog/puppy that does get distressed leave the door open building on closing it but giving them an activity to do in another room close to the shower.
The important thing with separation training is you going in casually and come out casually. This is what you eventually need to do when leaving the house, this is not about ignoring them it’s about making it no big deal, so it’s normal. You do not want to be adding to how they feel, if you come out saying “I am so sorry I left you” verbally or in your body language, showing any anxiety yourselves, your dog will get distressed because you are.
Teaching a settle on a bed or blanket is also something that is useful to work on. You build on duration first and them truly relaxing and then build in doing short activities around them cleaning or when cooking building in distractions whilst they are still relaxed there. You would then work on distance but not aiming for the front door first, aim for them being at the kitchen door whilst you are at the cooker. Distance will be first before out of sight, before starting out of sight I always suggest to get a dog monitor or application if you have a smartphone and tablet, this enables you to watch for some of the subtle signals dogs give way before they start panting, becoming hyper vigilant, tense whining, barking or howling, you want to return to them before this whilst they are still chilled and relaxed. Do not force confinement or let them cry/whine/bark until they are quiet, this is outdated information it causes anxiety and high stress levels.
Periods of unavailability are important to, think about an activity you usually do and when you do it you dog often goes and rests away from you. Common times this happens (depending on the dog) are when you are on the phone, computer or reading a good book, you are usually completely unavailable and your dog often knows this because your body language indicates it. No eye contact, often looking away doing something else, so they often settle and rest, some almost relieved. It’s important to do activities where you are unavailable you cannot however fake this, you need to just go and do something else in the house. If you think about puppies we are on their case all the time watching them incase they wee or chew something and because of this some find it very difficult to settle in our company and this happens to adult dogs too, being unavailable sometimes is good to give your dog permission to just chill out.
If your dog is used to you going out if you can go out without them, I know there are limits around this but some alone time is important.
Play
To start with there is such a thing as too much play, contrary to popular belief play often does the opposite to tiring a puppy/dog out, it usually makes the dog or puppy over aroused, some frustrated because of how we play and we often play for far too long particularly with puppies, which can make them over tired, nippy and restless or worse. This lockdown is leaving some people bored, be careful not to over do it with your dog, there needs to be a balance between play, eating, sleeping, resting, mental and environmental stimulation and training. Some of the signs of play has gone on to long or the dog is over aroused are as detailed in the below images from the vet behaviour team, you want to end the game way before these occur:
Obviously yes it is important to make time to play with your dogs for short periods but not at times where you need to work or do stuff or you will have a dog that pesters you all the time. Do not leave kids playing unattended watch how the children are playing with the dog. It’s important if the dog is sitting just chewing on the toy or moving away with it that no one tries to grab the toy off them
Rather than constantly playing ball which can be over arousing, be careful of football too, play other games that provide them outlets for natural behaviours such as:
Searching for the ball; if your dog knows a stay ask them stay, throw the ball into long grass, count to 5 then release them to find it. Leave patches of grass to grow long for this game in your garden as well.
Hide a toy in the house or garden and then let your dog in/out to find it. For newbies make easy.
Tug ensure they win, ensure they are bringing it to you, when you are trying to instigate a game remember to use the toy as if it is prey, don’t waggle it in their face prey doesn’t do that, run it along the floor in zig zag movements keeping it low. Be careful not to make the game frustrating and ensure they are bringing it back to you, don’t grab it off them if they just try to take it away its not an invitation to take it.
Like us, dogs don’t enjoy being teased, nor do they understand the difference between our toys and theirs, so it’s best to keep any toys they shouldn’t play with safely out of their reach.
Outlets for natural behaviours
Dogs need outlets for their natural behaviours and what each dog likes is different. Digging, searching, hunting, foraging, sniffing, chewing, water play are all examples of what dogs need and there are lots of ways this can be done during this period. Searching for treats or scattering their dinner is just one way to tire them out as sniffing is stimulating to some dogs and often very tiring. Enrichment done right is actually what tires dogs out, this also will help prevent your puppy/dog becoming bored, restless and getting up to mischief. Here is a great blog for 100 days of enrichment whatever you choose it should be stimulating and not frustrating, each dog is different always start with easy stuff first particularly for dogs that’s are fearful or lacking confidence.
Walks
Each person in the household can go out with the dog once a day but this should only be for the dogs who are used to it or you can continue this in the future. If there are not multiple people in the house make the walk longer and focus on really good quality sniffing and what they enjoy, this is the tiring bit. Dogs that are used to being off lead, avoid situations where they interact with other dog or people as it could mean you break the social distancing rules because you have to go and get them. Instead keep them on lead but clip them on a different point on their lead or change to a slightly longer lead to imitate being off and work on just letting your dog take the lead, as if they are off lead let them take you on an adventure. If you control the snifari walk then you may start to build in frustration and could trigger behaviour problems in the future.
Socialisation
A lot of people are worrying about the lack of socialisation for their dog or puppy at this time but I myself am really not. I think for most dogs this is actually a blessing. Firstly if you have a dog that is anxious or stressed out normally on walks, do not start taking them out more than usual particularly as people are looking different at the moment this will add to their anxiety unless your road is much quieter now. Those of you with puppies social distancing is good and I recommend this in generally anyway for all puppies, for the unsure puppies distance is important to make them feel more confident this allows them to observe at a distance without being overwhelmed and choose whether to investigate, it also allows the over friendly puppies to read people and other dogs body language from a distance when they are saying I am not interested. Puppies that are not used people you can do exercises at home where you dress up getting them used to different out fits, hats, high visibility wear, glasses, fancy dress and of course masks most dogs may find these a little odd. Do take your puppies out at different times of the day.
For those dogs that are socialites and struggle keeping a distance this is the perfect time to really work on rewarding disengaging from dogs, don’t try and get their attention when they see them just wait until they do disengage and pay them a lot with multiple treats to their mouth and ground as you are moving away, no pulling them, even if this takes time, the trick is to stay at distances where they can disengage. Have a really good game after the walk with them, these are the dogs that may need play increased slightly.
Grooming
For those of you that have a dog that needs regular grooming, ensure you do this daily particularly if you usually rely on a groomer. It’s actually a great time to help them feel comfortable with it giving them short sessions and giving the choice to stop too. Pairing treats at every step even if it’s every brush and a tasty chew at the end, always give them other options when grooming put boxes, snuffle mats and kongs with food around during the session to allow them to have breaks. This is a great way to do regular check overs with your dogs.
My final note is like us dogs will get through this crisis, things will be different and there behaviour might change too but hopefully some of the above will help prevent this. Of cause if you are having specific behaviour problems and would like some advice I and many other trainers and behaviourist are still doing telephone, virtual-video sessions for training and behaviour and I do have a five week puppy course for those who have puppies and are concerned which I am now tailoring subjects to get puppies through this period.
In my job I go into a number of peoples homes where dogs are not getting enough sleep or even rest, they maybe getting sleep in the night but in the day they get none or worse they are restless at night too. Over tiredness in dogs and puppies can cause all sorts of unwanted behaviour nipping and biting in puppies, in adults; biting when disturbed from sleep, some labelled “Grumpy” around people and other dogs and more.
Adult dogs need on average 12 -14 hours of sleep if they are in sync with your own sleep patterns say 8 hours a night, they need to get the remaining hours through the day. Older dogs generally sleep more as they tire out more easily and I believe need rest in order to function properly. Puppies, like babies, spend a lot of time expelling energy while playing and exploring their new surroundings, it can be stressful learning human rules and learning about the world, which means they might need as much as 18 to 20 hours of sleep to recover.
Just like us sleep is vital for dogs, it gives the dogs body time to heal, a dog deprived of sleep will have a weakened immune system therefore more prone to sickness and putting them at risk of serious conditions. Lack of sleep also has a huge effect on mood state. As humans suffer from fatigue and increased risk of obesity, due to lack of sleep, we would be fooled to think this is not a risk for dogs too.
There are many reasons why dogs are lacking sleep;
Inadequate or uncomfortable bed area
A plastic dog bed or hard floor is not comfortable for a dog and not conducive to having a good nights sleep or adequate sleep or rest in the day. In the wild dogs dig the earth to make it softer or choose the most comfortable resting spot they can find. Yes dogs do choose the floor as-well particularly if they are hot but some move around quite a bit during the night which you would notice if they were on your bed, which mean some struggle in crates for this reason too. If you have wooden, tiled or laminate flooring a moving bed is unsettling to and a nervous dogs won’t want to lay on it. Dogs are social animals and generally like to rest near us, a completely relaxed dependant dog would happily sleep away, a lot of people frequent the kitchen and tell me their dogs pester the visitors constantly, I look round the kitchen and see there is no where for the dog to just chill and calm down. I often ask people to get me a blanket or towel I lay it down near us and carry on talking to the owner leaving the dog be and the dog looks almost grateful and lies straight down.
Underfloor Heating
This is another problem for some dogs particularly if you have this throughout the house, dog’s over heat quickly so having a place they can go where it is not heated is important. I get complaints about dogs digging up the garden, if your dog digs a hole and then lies in it, the main reason will be because either they have no comfortable place in the house or because they are digging to get to the cool earth underneath, if you don’t like it provide them an equivalent like a cool bed in the shade.
Multiple options
If you are not allowing your dog on the bed or furniture (yes you can by the way, this does not make them dominant), they need multiple options, each dog is different and have different bed preferences, cave, flat, thick, bean bag, beds with lips for dogs like short nose breeds, that need to lift their head to help them breathe, and some like some dogs like being covered up. Before you say it, no they are not “just a dog” and should not “just be grateful they get anything!” Some people who don’t let their dogs on the furniture have a daily battle with their dogs getting up there, or worse the dogs become aggressive. Think about it, we often appear or become threatening first, Dave the dog is lying there minding his own business, nice and comfortable on the sofa or bed, having a lovely rest and then we suddenly come in telling them to get off, or sadly drag them off by their collar. Over time they start to defend themselves and no they don’t know they shouldn’t be on the furniture, they can just read in your body language that you are angry and this can be as simple as a look, so they either appease you with slinky body language as they don’t want conflict or they use aggression to defend themselves. I know what I am like when I am disturbed from sleep, ask my poor husband!
Location, Location, Location
Your dog should have at least one bed where there is no foot traffic, away from where your children play loads and the hustle and bustle of a busy household, never located near a cupboard that is frequently used etc.
Many locations where dogs sleep, like the kitchen for example have no window blinds/curtains these days, which means dogs get disturbed by all the critters that wake up at night, that we are not even aware off. This can make them more anxious or on high alert and no blinds mean it can make them rise when the sun does. Often people tell me their dog doesn’t use the bed that they bought them at all, this is either because the bed is not the right one for the dog, they might not find it comfortable or are not used to the texture, or it is located where the dog is not comfortable, is there a draught, is it to close to the radiator, is it facing the front window where it’s bombarded with perceived threats e.g. people and/or dogs walking by that make them uncomfortable? If they are crated, again there should be a bed or at least a crate mat like the one here. There should be enough room so that your dog can stand up fully, and lie down with their legs stretched fully without touching the crate walls.
Crates ideally should not be forever. Of course some dogs love them and would choose the crate or den area over everything else, that is absolutely fine just be sure they are getting adequate sleep in there.
Let sleeping dogs lie
Never disturb your dog when resting or sleeping, yes if they are on your lap it’s fine to stroke them, although once they are a sleep try not to. If they have decided to sleep away from you on their bed or on the other end of the couch, leave them alone and ensure children do too! Don’t decide I want to play with them and wake them up. I know they look adorable, but don’t be tempted to give them a stroke, it’s annoying. We touch dogs far more than they would touch each other, if we did it to people as frequently it would be classed as inappropriate and irritating, give them a break. Most people hate being touched in their sleep, it’s startling and unsettling, why are we shocked when a dog snaps or is grumpy when they are woken constantly, if it doesn’t happen frequently then they are less likely to react this way, but lack of sleep in general can trigger snapping and it’s quite common in fearful/anxious dogs that need help in other areas of their life.
The Bed Chewer
For a dog that chews beds, try multiple old towels or duvets, rather than spending a fortune on beds, under supervision of course, particularly if they swallow what they chew. Reintroduce the bed differently focusing on calm activities, encouraging them to lie down in a relaxed position, and giving them Kongs filled with something they have to lick, as opposed to dropping it, or chews that take them a while. Ensure to reintroduce the bed slowly, managing access to it at first. Be sure it’s not on a slippery surface because ones that move, can attract chewing particularly in puppies, as it becomes a fun toy just like puppy pads.
Visiting other locations
When visiting restaurants, cafes, friends homes etc always take a comfortable familiar mat too, this helps dogs feel more relaxed having a recognised space to go to, this is especially important if you are going to a house where another dog resides. The floor inside and outside a cafe/restaurant, is hard and freezing on a cold day and on a hot day they must have the option to move into the shade as dogs over heat quickly. Ensure they are not trapped with no escape route in these places and ask people to not touch them, the mat should be there safe place, only letting people stroke your dog, if your dog is indicating they want the attention. As mentioned I personally really like these they are designed for dog crates however they are handy to take with you, they have an anti slip surface and double up as a snuffle mat too, win win. Others use bath mats, both can be rolled up. I have also seen some very thoughtful owners put an item of their clothing down, if they have nothing else.
Collars
A final point to consider is how comfortable is your dog’s collar. If you can, pop it round your neck, arm or leg and lie down on it, is it comfortable does it dig in. Take collars off at night to give them a break, popping it back on in the morning before breakfast, it’s always advisable to take collars off when puppies are in crates anyway, incase they get their tag trapped which can cause choking and particularly when two dogs are left alone together as there has been many cases, where the dog has caught its jaw in the other dog’s collar, there are always risks they can get hung on things.
As you can see there are many things as behaviourists, we have to consider when looking at a dogs behaviour. It’s important to be mindful and try and think from your dog’s point of view.
Who knew that sleeping can be so complicated hey!
Bye for now.
If you would like to chat with me or get support with your dog or puppy book in a call with me below.
There is a strong expectation in society that dogs should get along with every dog they meet.
Many people believe that socialisation means exposing puppies and dogs to as many other dogs as possible puppy parties, dog meet-ups, dog walkers and lots of time playing in parks.
The idea is that the more dogs they meet, the better socialised they will be.
But the reality is far more complex than that.
Dogs are individuals. Just like people, they have preferences, personalities and limits. Some enjoy interacting with lots of dogs, others prefer a small circle of familiar companions, and some simply aren’t that interested in socialising with unfamiliar dogs at all.
Unfortunately, the pressure we place on dogs to interact with every dog they meet can sometimes create the very problems we are trying to avoid.
Every Dog’s Experience of Socialisation Is Different
You could take five puppies to the same socialisation class and each one could have a completely different experience.
That experience depends on many factors:
their general emotional state
how they felt on the day
the behaviour of the other dogs
how their guardian handled the interaction
the guardian’s emotional state
whether anything startled them during the session
stress they may have experienced in the days beforehand
All of these things influence how a dog learns to feel about other dogs.
Two dogs can leave the same class with completely different feelings about social interaction.
The “Let Them Sort It Out” Myth
One piece of advice that still circulates widely is that dogs should simply be left to “sort it out themselves”.
In my experience, this can be hugely unfair, especially for puppies who are still learning about the world of dogs and the many different breeds and personalities they might encounter.
If a puppy repeatedly goes to the park and has unpleasant or overwhelming interactions, they are unlikely to grow up feeling relaxed around other dogs.
Using older dogs to “teach puppies manners” can also be problematic. Older dogs may be in pain, may have less energy, or simply may not want to interact anymore. Expecting them to constantly correct younger dogs puts them in a difficult position.
And what about the dog who has previously been attacked? Should they simply be expected to tolerate another dog charging up to them and ignoring their signals?
What I Often See in Parks
As a dog trainer and behaviourist working one-to-one with clients, I spend a lot of time in places where dogs and their guardians socialise.
This might be local parks such as St Mary’s Park, woodland walks, busy places like Ruislip Lido or Rickmansworth Aquadrome, country parks such as Black Park, Langley Park and Denham Country Park, large green spaces like Horsenden Hill, or simply everyday walks around the block.
One thing that becomes very clear is that there is a huge and varied dog-owning community.
But I also regularly see dogs who run up to every dog they encounter, whether that dog is on lead or off lead. These dogs are often highly aroused and may struggle to read other dogs’ body language.
Sometimes they bark in another dog’s face, repeatedly try to initiate interaction, or continue pestering even when the other dog is trying to disengage.
Often these dogs genuinely want to interact they just haven’t learned how to do so in a way that other dogs find comfortable.
When Dogs Feel Pressured to Socialise
When a dog feels overwhelmed or pressured during interactions, they will often try to diffuse the situation rather than escalate it.
Many guardians mistake these behaviours as signs that the dog is relaxed or playful, when in reality they can be signs of appeasement or stress.
Some examples include:
Fawning behaviours
Rolling onto their back
Excessive licking of another dog’s face
Crouching or lowering their body
Rapid tail wagging with a tense body
These behaviours are often attempts to signal “I’m not a threat” or “please don’t hurt me.”
Fooling about behaviours
Some dogs will suddenly become very silly or exaggerated in their movements bouncing, spinning, or acting overly playful. While this can sometimes look funny or entertaining to us, it can actually be a way of diffusing tension in a situation they find uncomfortable.
Dogs are incredibly skilled at trying to avoid conflict.
But if these signals are repeatedly ignored, the dog may eventually feel they have no option but to escalate to growling, barking or snapping.
When Dogs Try to Disengage
Dogs will often try to politely opt out of an interaction before things escalate.
They might:
look away
turn their body away
walk away
start sniffing the ground
move behind their guardian
These are all ways of saying “I’m not interested right now.” Or they are indicating for the other a dog to approach calmer.
If another dog continues to pursue them, that interaction can quickly become stressful.
In these situations it’s absolutely okay to increase distance and continue walking. You can also ask the other guardian to call their dog.
Advocating for your dog is part of keeping them safe.
Why Street Dogs Inspired This Blog
One reason I wanted to write this blog is the increasing number of street dogs I now see as clients.
Many of these dogs previously lived on the streets, where being able to communicate effectively with other dogs is essential for survival. Injuries or illness could be life-threatening, so avoiding conflict becomes incredibly important.
As a result, many street dogs are excellent communicators. They are often very skilled at reading subtle body language and defusing situations early.
When these dogs arrive here, they can initially find some of our pet dogs confusing and over stimulated, particularly those who rush over without reading signals.
This can sometimes make the street dog appear unsociable, when in reality they are simply navigating a very different social environment.
What I Encourage Instead
The interactions I aim for with the clients I work with are simple and relaxed.
Dogs approach, exchange information, have a brief sniff and then continue their walk.
Short, polite interactions.
Much like how we might briefly say hello to a neighbour as we pass them on the street.
Standing in a group in the middle of a park while dogs interact for long periods can often lead to rising arousal levels. When you step back and observe closely, you will often notice that at least one dog would actually prefer to move on.
Exploring the environment, sniffing and moving through the world at their own pace is often far more enriching for dogs than extended social interactions.
Want to Learn More About Play?
Dog play is a huge topic in itself, and understanding what healthy play looks like can make a big difference.
I’ve written a separate blog that explores dog play in more detail, including what to watch for and when to interrupt.
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